


Retaliation Momentarily Suspended

by Zaxal



Category: Psych
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 21:19:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1402795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaxal/pseuds/Zaxal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lassiter wasn't supposed to have a sense of humor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Retaliation Momentarily Suspended

**Author's Note:**

> For Shassie Week 2014; Day One: Pranks and Prank War!

Lassiter wasn't supposed to have a sense of humor. Not a real one, not one that didn't involve making obscure historical puns or directing him to an address on the far side of the continent or the dead clown story which had chased off yet another romantic prospect in the past week.

Lassiter wasn't supposed to be able to turn things around on him so that in the middle of an interview with a potential client, the guy put his fingers to his temples and started spouting eerily accurate information that, for the briefest moment, made Shawn worry that he wasn't the smartest person in the room. Or the most likely to actually be psychic.

Lassiter wasn't supposed to be able to keep a straight face while the alleged client – whom he had claimed had come to the station panicking about some supernatural catastrophe – babbled, brief spurts of information about Shawn in between nonsensical turns of phrase.

Shawn was baffled, but he wasn't going to be outdone.

By the time their respective shouting matches were over, Shawn was certain something was up, but it wasn't until the guy's eyes slid to Lassiter, searching with a familiarity that Shawn's thought process shuddered to a halt, realization dawning. He turned to look at Lassiter. The head detective's eyes honed in on his, shoulders shaking in carefully-contained laughter, an amused smile tilting on his lips. 

Shawn had never been so insulted. Then he saw Gus and Juliet both trying not to laugh at him, and it ruffled his feathers worse.

It was funny, he had to give him that, getting him all riled up by using an actor who gave him few real tells and knew too much because of his own debriefing beforehand. Throwing him off-balance – Shawn believed in giving credit where it was due, but Lassiter wasn't _supposed_ to be able to pull that kind of stuff off.

"Good one, Lassie," he said, finally. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" Eyed Gus and Juliet and the strange guy whose frantic energy had calmed, a lazy smile spreading on his face. "Outside? "

Lassiter raised an eyebrow but gave a short nod of assent, and Shawn's fingers curled with the urge to grab him and drag him out for a private conversation as quickly as possible. They went outside and rounded the side of the building to avoid stares from behind the picture window, and Shawn immediately crossed his arms, scowled. "Dude, what the hell? I am over here trying to run a legitimate business – don't _laugh_ ," he said when Lassiter pressed his lips tightly together, fighting off a smile. "And you take time out of your busy schedule to come over here and- and- who is he anyway, man, a friend of your ex? The one with the nose ring?"

Lassiter smiled, wide and sharp, and he leaned close as if imparting a very serious secret. "A man can date more than one theatre person in his life, Spencer."

It took Shawn a few minutes to reroute that confession to the next logical question which involved a lot of sputtering going 'you' and 'him' and 'you _both_ '? But by the time he asked aloud, "You're into _guys_?" Lassiter and Juliet were in their car and leaving.

Shawn stalked back inside, already beginning to plan a retaliation.

\-----

A real case came up before he could launch a counterstrike on Lassiter. It nagged at him the entire time, the question he desperately wanted answered so he could complete the puzzle set before him.

The thing was that Shawn had almost instantly written Lassiter off. Yes, he showed classic signs of attraction towards some guys, but there was plenty of Catholic sexual repression, and he was overly-dedicated to his masculinity which, Shawn had assumed, included being strictly heterosexual regardless of other leanings.

Clearly, he'd missed something, and he didn't need his dad to tell him that.

By the time the case was over, Shawn's curiosity had surpassed reasonable boundaries. He _needed_ to know.

Which was how he ended up at Lassiter's apartment, banging on the door until it finally opened, revealing Lassiter, dressed down in loose jeans and a white t-shirt. "Spencer."

There was surely a polite way to have this conversation, but Shawn barreled mindlessly into it. "When you said you dated more than one theatre person – you were talking about that guy, right?"

Lassiter rolled his eyes, but his posture seemed to loosen slightly. Like he'd been waiting for Shawn to put the pieces together. "Not that it's any of your business, but yes." Began to close the door, "Now, get out of my-" but Shawn stepped in the way, shoving it back open, meeting his eyes, defiant.

"You date guys?"

"Go away," Lassiter said unkindly, gritting his teeth.

"No way, Lassie. Answer the question."

"It's none of your business."

Shawn's nose twitched, eyebrows lowering. He was right, but like hell was he going to let it drop. "Why couldn't I sense it?"

"Because you're a hack and a liar."

Spat back, " _You're_ a liar."

Lassiter's hand twitched at his side, fingers curling like they were seeking a trigger. "Get out of my face and get out of my home."

"No," Shawn said, and in an instant, Lassiter's hand gripped his neck tightly before he pushed him away. Shawn stumbled back out of the door and couldn't get to it before it closed. Kicked it out of spite before pacing restlessly.

He hadn't heard Lassiter walk away. It was entirely possible he was standing just on the other side of the door, listening. Shawn resisted the urge to stamp his feet angrily. Turned back to face the solid wood.

Shawn knew there was one thing he responded to better than flattery or insults. Took a few deep breaths to calm himself down before leaning into the door and speaking clearly, calmly. In command. "Lassiter, I want an answer. Was he a one-time-only fluke, or do you date men?" Silence. Shawn pressed a little harder, "I'm not here to get payback for your little joke the other day, and I'm not here to harass you."

"Could have fooled me."

Shawn felt himself smile, but he didn't relent. "An answer, Carlton."

An uncomfortable stretch of silence before he asked, "Why?"

"Why do you think?"

The door creaked open again, Lassiter's gaze baleful and cold, cautious. "To make me the butt of a joke."

"No jokes," Shawn assured him, "no japes, no shenanigans." Held up his hands in surrender.

"What else is there?"

Shawn laughed, grinning widely. "Come on, Lassie. You're a better detective than that." Sidled just a little closer, "If you can't put the pieces together yourself, I'd be more than happy to help you figure it out." Leered suggestively, "I'll even waive my usual fee."

Lassiter stared at him, trying to figure out his angle, but Shawn held strong. Finally, he sighed. "I date men, but that doesn't mean I'll date you, Spencer."

Shawn's smile widened, lopsided and mischievous. "No, it doesn't. You'll date me because you want to."

Too quickly, he snapped, "No, I don't."

"Lassie," Shawn chided calmly. "You want me. You want my body," swung his hips provocatively as he closed the distance. "Wanna know all the ways I could scratch every single itch you've had since the first time you threw me against a wall."

Lassiter swallowed, the noise so loud in the ongoing silence. "This better not be a prank."

Leaned up, tauntingly close, "I know, you'll shoot me if I say 'April Fools'.'"

"Damn right," he growled, and then Lassiter closed the distance, crashed their mouths together. Shawn kicked the door closed behind him. He didn't intend to leave for a good long while.

After all, somewhere in the margins of their first date, he still had a score to settle.


End file.
